By Hook or By Crook (2001)

"Well... we're just hitting lots of bugs all the way along here." -Valentine

This film was so touching and emotional for me. I hope this comes as less of a review and more just, stream of consciousness writing. I didn’t take notes or writing anything while watching. This will just be my uninterrupted thoughts…Truthfully.. I haven’t written anything in six months. When I was in college…

I honestly “forgot” how to write. I know I wasn’t very good at all, but I never cared, I was actually trying.. and then my illnesses got worse, I retreated from my friends, my support system.. My family. It has almost been a year since I first went. Wow. This movie really was emotional for me.

It felt how I have been feeling, put things I have been thinking about for a while into perspective.

I miss everyone. I miss getting forced to get out of the house, to begrudgingly hang out with people. What I wouldn’t do to go back to all of that. I miss our impromptu plans to go out into the woods and just, walk. I miss the nights we would all stay in and watch I Think You Should Leave for the 100th time. I miss introducing my boyfriend to everyone, that hot spring day still lingers fresh on my mind.

I remember always trying to write “as good” as my friends, I remember our plans to write a zine.. I miss everyone

Shy and Valentine have a very similar relationship to me and my bestfriend.. I loved this movie for how raw and real and unashamedly queer it was.. There was no explanations, no easy to digest answers. I feel real silly using the words raw and real to describe this film. It conjured up so many memories of my friends al throughout, at totally random little moments. I miss our vegan friend’s cooking, especially even the raw plant based burger between two bread pieces… I’ve been talking to two of my friends again.. The two people to change my life at Evergreen.

I remember exactly what they were talking about… I was hanging out at “The Pit” in my wheelchair, I remember butting into the conversation about how I was a satanist… And then,,, I got invited to the Evergreen Arcades Club..

Fast forward a few months, I had a issue where I was going to be homeless and unable to attend classes, a few more months go by and my pain and fatigue and whatever else was getting worse and worse. I remember meeting one of them at the cafeteria, I was skipping class, and we talked about this narrative technique called New Narrative… I read all about it and was instantly knowing what I wanted to do in writing…. I miss everyone so bad. I’m halfway across the country from all of them… Evergreen was a cesspool of weird horrible shit, but I miss everyone there

Im about to finish this, but I want to keep writing… I will keep writing. Definitely in the same vein as this, random thoughts whenever. I miss my website… I can’t believe I literally didn’t think about basically writing Disco Elysium… I find that just really funny.